The Dangers that Nursery Rhymes Pose

Someone once said, “Child is the father of Man” – true enough – our childhood shapes us, most of us still recall fondly the memories of cherished younger days when the world seemed fairer, people more beautiful, colors brighter, days longer, breeze cooler and flowers-fragrance sweeter. Even now, when we’re very much past our primes – old warhorses that have seen too many battles – and no longer wet behind the ears, we still find moments that bring out the inner child in us – a sudden laugh, a mischievous prank, a multi-hued window display, a cartoon show in Technicolor, a Christmas-morning gift-wrapped box; all quite suddenly turn us from our boss-hating, stress-filled, deadline-despairing lives into carefree tykes.

“Ah! Those were the days”, you say? “We were so innocent back then – not a wicked thought in our heads”, you declare? “Hah!” is all I snort. Our society is one that teaches us violence at a very young age. It is one that has been instructing us to wish misery upon others ever since we first started learning.

Do you disagree? Well, what are your first memories of school? Pat comes the reply – nursery rhymes, of course! Bingo – nursery rhymes are short poems that epitomize acts of violence and hurt. Let me elucidate:

One of the first recorded English nursery rhymes was “Ding Dong Bell”. The poem is about a little kitten that was dropped into a well by one Johnny and was later rescued by another of the same name. While the version we all know goes on to admonish the perpetrator of the heinous crime against felines, the original (first published as a canon) just gave up the cat for dead and proceeded with announcing her death –

Jacke boy, ho boy newes?

The cat is in the well,

Let us ring now for her knell,

Ding dong, ding dong bell.

“It’s Raining; it’s Pouring” makes light of a poor old codger who was probably hemorrhaging after dashing his head against the bedstead. There is also the rhyme about “Jack & Jill” who were left without adult supervision to perform an obviously unsafe task and had to face the consequences that possibly scarred them for life. “Rock-a-bye Baby” is even worse and exults about a breaking branch causing a cradled baby to fall from a height.

While the “Old Woman who lived in a Shoe” is an example of bad parenting and worse family-planning, “Little Miss Muffet” makes fun of a girl’s arachnophobia.

A famous rhyme sung by all of us as kids was the tale of the “Three Blind Mice” and the cruelty they suffered at the hands of the capable, blade-wielding farmer’s wife. The rhyme goes on to ridicule the scene made by the blinded rodents with their tails chopped off chasing the peasant lady.

Then there’s the wanderer’s conversation with “Goosey, Goosey Gander”. I believe it explains why people are so intolerant towards anyone that doesn’t conform to their religious opinions. The nomad in the rhyme proceeds to regale the bird with his/her treatment of an atheist –

Goosey goosey gander,

Whither shall I wander?

Upstairs and downstairs

And in my lady's chamber.

There I met an old man

Who wouldn't say his prayers,

So I took him by his left leg

And threw him down the stairs.

Anyone who remembers the tale of “Old Mother Hubbard”, would have no doubt of the old woman being hounded by a psychopathic canine with drug issues. Just because her cupboard was bare and her dog got no bone, the vengeful mutt proceeds to harass her for the rest of the rhyme. The poor old maid has trouble making ends meet but still makes her way to the Baker’s to procure some bread for the ungrateful dog who pretends to be dead when she gets home. The mangy cur waits for Madame Hubbard to return from the Undertaker’s with a coffin before getting up and laughing, if you’ll believe it. The abominable pooch further shocks the listener by sitting on her chair, smoking a pipe, riding a goat and inducing Old Mother Hubbard into a position of such servility that she gets sent to the alehouse to buy it some beer first and then to a tavern for some wine. Later the dastardly dog even packs the old woman off to buy it some fruit and a complete wardrobe (including shoes, coat, hat and wig). The deluded old fool even erects a monument to the sadistic mutt.

 “London Bridge” poses a structural engineering problem of how best to prop up said bridge after its collapse. After discussing the pros and cons of using various materials from wood and clay, to bricks and mortar, to iron and steel; it was finally decided to build the aqueduct out of gold and silver and then set a watchman to guard it. The sad part is – aside from the obvious lack of knowledge with regard to strength of materials – the guard is encouraged to smoke all night in order to stay awake.

In conclusion, all evil and sinful thoughts that have ever occurred to us have in fact, stemmed from our early childhood. Nursery rhymes, meant to delight the child and help it learn communication pose a veiled threat to civil society. Further illustrations, if required are Further illustrations, if required are the sex offender Georgie Porgie; and also Peter – the one with a steady diet of pumpkins – and Eeper Weeper, the chimney sweep (both were polygamists and imprisoned their wives in very imaginative but highly uncomfortable locations).