To Suffer in Silence

patience

/ˈpeɪʃ(ə)ns/

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noun

noun: patience

1. 1.

   the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, problems, or suffering without becoming annoyed or anxious.
2. 
   
3. - Oxford English Dictionary

Patience is a virtue, they say. They say also, that good things come to those that wait. An internet search will show you there are no end of adages to extol the virtue that is patience. Now me, I'd like to think I am quite a patient fellow since I often exhibit forbearance and self-restraint when faced with vexing situations. Most of the times, I concur with the opinion of that worthy, whoever they may be, who made the now famous analogy of sticks and stones with names. Because of my temperament, and my inaction at the dangling of the bait of anger; I have been variously equated with a St Bernard, a practicing psychologist, an inadvertent psychopath and a heartless bastard. Such a precious few! Those of the creed of the intelligent speculator, the factual pundits, and even the plausible dreamers. 

I admit it takes a lot of self-control to tolerate some of the people we're forced to deal with as a daily happenstance: Some tend to be living proof of the inverse ratio between the sizes of the mouth and the brain; others, targets of Wanda's famous "I've worn dresses with higher IQs!" quote; while the remainder are just clever, but obstinate curmudgeons that refuse to concede a point. Conducting oneself with stoicism in the face of absurdity and acute astute-adversity is an art in itself: 

Persons who let their mouths run faster than their brains are easy to deal with - they're probably paying even lesser attention to us than they are to their thinking muscles. It takes some practice - which is thankfully easy when we're surrounded by so many specimens to do so - but, in time, some of us learn to quietly ignore the unnecessary spouts of verbosity and pick out the few sentences that are worth replying to; all the while making sure our far and few responses are steering the conversation to the logical conclusion we want it to reach. There is a certain satisfaction to be had when you arrive at that point and you're the only one involved in the exchange who knows that you're exactly where you wanted to be since the others are still wrapping their heads around thoughts that formed a minute ago. When everyone's caught up, all that remains is for you to summarize the discussion and thank everyone for their participation, while pretending that everyone contributed equally. 

The evolutionary dead-ends that sometimes manage to pass for human beings are often tougher to handle. The frustration of having to deal with these troglodytes sometimes bubbles to the surface; especially when one is aware they have attained their current position and status in society only due to the position and status of their guardians - probably because of whom they ended up having tossed-around upstairs to begin with. They usually exhibit a certain child-like innocence or an awe-struck amazement for statements and solutions that others would consider the norm of normalcy. One needs to be aware of the fact that they are bargaining with souls that are truly incapable of grasping the situation at the level one is. One needs to also be aware that there are bigger fish with better brains than oneself - it is a vast ocean. It is best to assume an advisory role and firmly, yet gently, guide them to the right conclusions. Appropriating the benevolent guise also ingratiates the self with the powers-that-be and makes them extend their advantageous hands brimming with bountiful short-cuts over our heads as well. Sometimes, it is worth having an instant "influencer" in your corner. 

Dealing with pigheadedness is altogether a different ballgame and often inconclusive. Not because for lack of trying on our part, but for the obstinacy on theirs. More often than not, it is best to let the argument stew in itself and approach it again when the mulish debater is more amicable. Contrary to our unspoken opinions of such contrary personages, the recalcitrant lot are ordinarily quite coherent and lucid in their thoughts.
The trick to successfully engaging with people is to understand that everyone's point-of-view are their own, and that they are all entitled and welcome to them. Agreements and compacts are just transactions in which weights are thrown and compromises made. Its only business - with emotional & logical barter. 

At times, its understandable to be at complete odds with the world around us - "Good times never seem to last", lamented Neil Diamond to his Caroline. Whenever we go through a bad phase time seems slowed down, everyone seems against us and the rain never seems to stop falling down. Some choose to extend the cloud overhead to others around them, while others choose to withdraw within and encase themselves into cocoons. Neither, though, is the best course of action probably.
On the one hand, not many companions are usually found during times of trouble - we profess ourselves surprised to say the least when all the many friends confess they were only of the fair-weather type. It is best to keep an open mind and an open heart and hope for the best:

• Know that it isn't everyone else's fault that we are feeling down;
• Know that everyone else doesn't need to join us in our misery;
• Know that we can only appeal to comrades or to higher authorities in higher planes of existence; 
• Know that responses need not be given - from confidants or supreme beings; 

If help does come, we must stay true to those soul mates. If help doesn't come, we must ask - for we shall receive. The human race isn't that bereft of morals and humanity. The Universe in all its vastness, cannot afford pettiness. It must, therefore, be impartial. In which case, we aren't being selected for scapegoats. We've only been given random opportunities to strengthen the stuff that makes us. Philosophers have, since time immemorial, theorised that the good times and the bad are cyclic - and neither lasts forever. 

Probably the most important patience of all is the ability to be considerate with the Self. Despite the greatest of our expectations with ourselves, we have our limitations. We will not, at all times, succeed - it is an imperfect world, and though we may refuse to see it, so are we. The discontentment we feel for ourselves is what we project to the world as bitterness. The lack of an ability to forgive the Self is what leads to crushing disappointment and, if unchecked, to physical self-harm and mental anguish. The one true path that leads out of the quagmire of crushed dreams and the river of black thoughts is to dispassionately evaluate one's situation:

• What's wrong?;
• Who can help alleviate?;
• How did it happen?;
• What does one do (and need) to fix it?;
• When will it get better?;

Perhaps the most important question of them all - "what needs to be done so that one never has to experience this exasperating feeling again?". Answer all these, with help from bosom companions, if necessary, and one will find oneself on the road of profound self-awareness and on a journey of continuous self-improvement. The capacity to say "mea culpa", but at the same time pardon ourselves for failing is what will drive us to empathise with our fellow man and truly comprehend humanity.

"Patience", after all, has Middle English origins with Old French roots stemming from the Latin prefix "patient-", meaning "suffering" - not a word, but a prefix. In other words, whatever the language, the very intent of "patience" is to inherently teach us that all suffering must be endured, but never alone.