Rajni - The Man

Noticed recently the number of Rajnikanth jokes doing rounds? Every other sms I get is one usually. Its been a while since I posted something; what with looking for gainful employment and getting one that pays me peanuts for 6 days a week, 9 hours of work & 4 hours of travel everyday and the hasty move back to the Big City with mindless traffic and even more brain-dead drivers. So, I decided to pick the best jokes and make a post out of it: 1) Rajnikanth doesn't need a watch; he decides what time it is! 2) Rajnikanth has counted to infinity. Twice. 3) One night, Rajni was mumbling some numbers in his sleep, the next day, the log tables were invented. 4) In a charity cricket match, Rajnikanth hit a six. Scientists now call that ball Pluto! 5) Rajnikanth doesn't push himself up when doing push-ups, he pushes the Earth down! 6) Rajnikanth's house doesn't have any doors; only the walls that he walks through! 7) The Bermuda Triangle used to be a square until Rajni kicked out one of the sides! 8) Rajni once swallowed an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink! 9) Did you hear? Facebook joined Rajnikanth! 10) When Enthiran released, Rajni gave The Times of India 4 stars. 11) Rajnikanth can drown a fish! 12) The only person to have defeated Rajnikanth in a debate is Stephen Hawking. Look what happened to him! 13) Rajnikanth once strangled his enemy with a cordless phone! 14) A dinosaur once borrowed money from Rajni and didn't return it. That was the last time anyone saw dinosaurs. 15) When Rajnikanth enters a room at night, he doesn't switch on the lights. He turns off the darkness! 16) Rajni can make onions cry. 17) Rajnikanth builds snowmen out of rain. 18) Bill Gates has a secret fear that Rajni's PC will crash one day. 19) Rajnikanth was the first person to land on Mars. No wonder there's no life there. 20) Ghosts are a direct result of Rajni killing people faster than Death can process their souls. 21) Rajnikanth gave Monalisa her smile. 22) Rajnikanth knows Victoria's Secret! 23) Rajni can kill two stones with one bird! 24) Rajnikanth has penned his autobiography. Its called "Guiness Book of World Records"! 25) Rajnikanth killed the Dead Sea. 26) Rajnikanth met Michael Jordan once. Jordan: I can spin the ball on the tip of my finger for more than a minute! Can you do that? Rajni: Of course, why do you think the Earth rotates?! 27) A cobra bit Rajnikanth today. The cobra's funeral is tomorrow. 28) Rajni's calendar goes from March 31st to April 2nd. There's no fooling him! 29) Rajni can do a wheelie on a unicycle! 30) Rajnikanth was the last guest on the popular show "Celebrity Wheel of Fortune". They had to scrap the show because the wheel still hasn't stopped spinning. 31) In an average room, there are about 1,238 objects Rajnikanth can use to kill a person. Including the room itself! 32) With the rising petrol prices, Rajni has no option but to break his drinking habit. 33) Rajnikanth can judge a book by it's cover. 34) Rajni can slam a revolving door! 35) Rajnikanth once kicked a horse under it's chin. Today, it's descendants are called giraffes. 36) Rajnikanth actually built Rome in one day! 37) Light moves at the speed of Rajnikanth! 38) Rajni can speak braille! 39) Rajni can teach an old dog new tricks. 40) Time and tide wait for Rajni. 41) Rajnikanth can answer a missed call. 42) The Universe is constantly expanding. Everything wants to escape Rajni! 43) If at first you don't succeed, know that you are not Rajnikanth. 44) The recent recession was caused when Rajni lost in a game of Monopoly. And the best one- Rajnikanth and Jayalalitha once got into an argument over who was more famous between the two. Jaya decides to name 3 people and if all of them know Rajni she says she'll admit he's more famous. Jaya: Obama. Rajni and Jaya go to the White House where Obama is just leaving to the G8 summit. Obama: Rajni! Welcome! I'll get my secretary to cancel the summit. You must have lunch with me. So they have lunch with the President of USA. Jaya: Ok, he knew you. How about Tom Cruise? The two go to Hollywood where Cruise is shooting MI:4. He sees Rajni, stops a stunt midway and cancels the shoot. They end up having tea with him. Jaya: Ok, the last one. If you know this guy, I'll admit you're the greatest. Do you know the Pope? Rajni and Jaya go to the Vatican where the Pope is waving to the crowd from the balcony. Rajni: They won't allow everyone in and the Pope can't see me from so far away. I'll go inside and wave to you from the balcony. Rajni goes up to the balcony, greets the Pope like an old friend and puts an arm around his shoulder. He turns to wave at Jayalalitha but sees that she's fainted and surrounded by paramedics. He jumps off the balcony and runs up to her. Rajni: Jaya! Are you alright? What happened?! Jaya: I was fine when the Pope greeted you. But this guy next to me turned and asked, "I know the guy on the left is Rajnikanth, but who the heck is the other guy?"