The Dark Follower

   It was a dark and gloomy night. Not chilly. Nor stormy. That happens in fairy tales or in Snoopy's manuscripts. No. This was real. It happened to me. Now some might argue I'm not real because I'm too good to be true. Anyway, as I was saying, it was dark and gloomy. Not really late. Just after 9 maybe and on a weekday. But for some reason, the streets were deserted. I had had to work late and had missed the cab home from work. So, I had taken the rather tiresome bus ride back home. Now the nearest bus stop to where I live was about a kilometre from home. So I got off the bus and was walking the long walk home lost in my thoughts about what to cook for dinner when all of a sudden, I noticed how dark it was; and gloomy too, like I mentioned before.

   Now, I've never really been comfortable in the dark - my eyesight being what it is - and so, I stopped and took a look around just to check if there were any muggers or the sort waiting in ambush. Truth be told, I'd had a rather rough week at work, working late almost every day and was spoiling for a fight. So, though I knew it was silly, I was hoping a tiny but ambitious sort of thug would cross my path and try something foolish like saying, "Gimme your money!".

    While I was playing out a really awesome fight sequence in my head, I heard a weird chattering noise coming from a little distance behind me. Brows knitted, I snapped my head back to look at whatever caused the sound. I noticed a silhouette a few feet behind me. Hazy, it was. But it looked like a woman. Again I heard the chatter. I pinpointed the source as emanating from it. I had stood rooted to the spot where I'd turned when I first heard the noise until now. Then I realised how it would seem - me staring at a woman so late in the night. But my brain somehow couldn't get the message to my legs. The apparition drew closer, still chattering. Then it struck me, "She could just be a woman talking on a mobile phone on her way home!"

    My analysis complete, I turned and quickened up my pace, not really waiting to see if I was right. Try as I might, the chattering drew closer. I could hear it quite clearly now. It was unlike any language I'd heard before and I could recognise most of the languages spoken in the South country where I've lived all my life. It unnerved me and I urged my feet to pump faster but of no avail. The mysterious figure drew ever closer until it was right behind me. I tried to casually turn around and look. Bad mistake. I've never looked upon a more hideous face. It was grotesque - that's the nicest word I could come up with to describe it. The features badly misshapen and in some cases, non-existent. Even with the streetlamp shining right into the face, I couldn't see the eyes. I could make out it was a "she"; well, "it" was wearing a woman's clothes - and she was chattering. As she drew level with me, I could clearly hear the sounds coming out of a thin scarred line where her mouth should have been.

    I waited a couple of seconds to take a deep breath - I'd stopped breathing some minutes ago - and to let her go on ahead, as far away as possible. Then I recalled a detail that made the hair at the back of my neck stand up on its end - there was no mobile phone in her hand! Even though it was the last thing I wanted to do, I set off to catch up with her - I wanted to check if she had on a hands-free headset-with-microphone or that new-fangled Bluetooth thingy. In a surprisingly short space of time, I found myself again walking beside her. Her constant chattering was getting to me - I guess it rankled me that I couldn't identify the language - but more importantly, I saw that she didn't have either of those devices that let you talk on a mobile phone without actually holding one to your ear.

   "That does it!", I said to myself. I gritted my teeth and fell behind, trying to let her get ahead. It continued that way for a few minutes. Then suddenly, I couldn't see anyone in front! I pricked my ears and there it was. The now familiar noise coming up from behind again. And sure enough, when I looked behind, there she was - just a few steps behind. I decided to put some distance between us and quickened my pace to a trot. After a few minutes of jogging, I turned, and puffing and panting, was glad to see just the empty street devoid of movement. A surge of hope in my heart, I began making my way home - I was halfway there already. A few seconds later however, even my brain screaming "NONONO!" couldn't cover up the sound of the distant chatter - ever drawing near. From the corner of my eye, I saw the strange shadow dogging my footsteps. Smoothly, I crossed the road and started walking on the other side of the street. "Ha! And that's that!", I thought triumphantly.
    Just when I was mentally opening the celebratory bottle of Mumm's, I saw my shadow cast ahead by the streetlamp behind me; coming up fast to interlink with my shadow was another! The chattering noise grated my ears again. "Damn!", I thought and re-corking my mental bubbly, began walking faster again. Inexplicably, she managed to keep pace and again came up beside me. I sneaked a quick glance at the next lamppost to see if I only imagined the facial features, or the lack of it. The sight brought a rush of bile up my throat and nearly made me retch. The face was pockmarked and crisscrossed like it was heavily scarred - like stone that's seen too many years of wind and rain and sun-scorched summers. The nose seemed twisted and bent. The mouth was just a horizontal line with an invisible upper lip and a protruding lower one. But the eyes were just not there. All I could see were the recesses of the sockets where the eyes should have been, but no eyes.

    Again I turned and crossed the road in a quick march that would've made any drill sergeant proud. Again she followed. This time, I gave up and let her. I decided to take whatever was going to befall me. Just when I was so close to the safety of my house and hearth. I faced her resignedly and waited for the devil to take my soul or whatever voodoo that she would do. I gritted my teeth and balled up my fists and waited. As she glided nearer, at some point, I blinked.

   And that was that. She was past me and still chattering. Gone on ahead. No longer following me. I heaved a sigh of relief and took the bylane that would lead me to my house. Suddenly, the night didn't seem so dark or gloomy. After all, the moon was still almost full and only just waning. The stars were out and shining. The streetlamps were emitting a fierce, orange glow. The chattering was a distant echo, just a ringing in my ears.

Poor Readers with Nothing Better to do

Work. Work. Work. Work everyday. Work all day. Work from 9 in the morning. Work till 9 in the night. No pay for work over-time. Work. Did I already say "work"? Anyhoo - I like that word, its unconventional - no time for blogging. All you eager readers (numbering zero at the last count) will just have to get along without me to colour your drab, dull and boring lives. For the time being, at least. Work. Beh!

What We Need Is...

      With most of the world gearing up for the lunar perigee and others still reeling from the "Wash - Rinse Cycle" Ma Nature put Japan in, miners all over the world digging their own graves (forgive my callousness. But if a toothless Charlie Sheen can bare his fangs and get away with it, so can a grin-toothed I) and a few kooks still following the Mayan calendar (those guys packed up and left without a forwarding address. Do I hear asides of "The aliens took them"?) - I think people might just be losing it. In times of trouble, Mother Mary may speak words of wisdom but what we actually need is good, solid commonsense. Here's what to do in case you find yourself being burdened by trouble and a whole lot of rubble:
http://www.fema.gov/hazard/earthquake/eq_during.shtm